Two's Company, Three's an Orgy
by Hybridbabe
Summary: Vala questions Daniel's preferences when it comes to partners... [Daniel&Vala&Cameron, post Avalon thru Origin]


**Title:** Two's Company, Three's An Orgy  
**Rating:** R (For sexual content and perverted hysteria)  
**Pairing:** Daniel/Vala/Cameron  
**Disclaimer:** Not only do I not own anything remotely Stargate, I shall forever deny that I ever came up with the idea for this fic. And even if you show me, on paper, that I did INDEED come up with this, I'll stick my tongue out at you and go "Neener, neener, neener", immerse myself in my own delusions, and never own up to anything lol!  
**Summary:** "Oh, there's so much testosterone, so little time..." (After Avalon Pt. 1&2/Origin)

* * *

"This is not up for discussion!" 

"Oh, come on, Daniel, why not? I mean, I would tell you everything about my--"

"AHHHHT!" He waved his pen-holding hand at her. "No. No, no, no, got it? I'll talk about my work, I'll talk about my friends, but I will NOT talk about THAT to YOU!"

Vala followed him into his office, straining in the leather clad outfit she had donned for the past week now, and huffed, grabbing his arm. "Oh come on! It's not like it's personal or anything."

"Personal? PERSONAL?" Daniel gaped at her, slack jawed for a few moments. "You don't call SEX personal?"

"Well, not for me."

He shook his head. "Are you that shameless?"

"Depends on your definition."

How could one woman be so infuriating? He pushed his glasses up higher on his nose, and rolled his eyes. "The actual definition, or your version?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Enough! Daniel slammed down the files he was filling out and threw his pen down. "What do you want from me, Vala?"

Surprised, her blue-gray eyes widened and her lanky, slender body shifted uneasily. She was clearly unused to this sort of spotlight, most likely because she never had been under it before. "What?"

"What do you want from me? You waltz in here, demanding 'your Daniel',make me miss the _Daedalus_ because of your stupid bracelets, and now, for a reason beyond my comprehension, you still manage to stick around. What the hell do you want from me, and what will it take for you to leave?"

"...You're too uptight, Daniel. You should take me to bed."

He swore his jaw hit the floor. "WHAT?"

"Honestly, when was the last time you let your hair down, and pulled the rather large stick from your buttocks?"

"That's... THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

"Hmmm, I think you're wrong about that. You see, in order to have a healthy relationship, one must be honest with another."

"And what if one wants to commit homicide?"

"Oh, you don't want to do that," purred the raven-haired vixen, sauntering into his proximity and nestling her body against his chest. "You might scream bloody murder during the process, but there won't be THAT much blood involved. If you know what I mean."

**SLAP!** A slender hand spanked him, and he slapped it away, taking a few steps back and tripping over boxes of old files. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Trying to stir the human soul, that's what I'm doing. What I don't get is why you don't like me."

"I need a reason?"

"Of course. And besides, your resistance unnerves me. It's either you have no soul or..." Suddenly, she stiffened, slowly nodding her head. "Ohhhhhhh, I get it now..."

Daniel snapped at her. "Get what?"

"Why you don't like me."

"Was it that easy to figure out?"

She folded her arms across her chest. "It's all clear to me now. Well, I guess if you prefer men, then I can't work my wiles on you."

"I don't want you to--- WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"Say what?" interrupted a voice, and they both stared at Mitchell, interrupting at the wrong time. "She didn't trick you with her sexual voodoo again, did she?"

"It's not voodoo! I'm shocked and appalled that you think I would stoop so low as to--"

Mitchell winked at Daniel. "Riiiiiiight... Listen, General Landry wants to see us ASAP. Says he wants to discuss any arrangements we may need to make if a certain... someone, who shall remain nameless, is to stay with us for any long period of time."

Vala slapped his shoulder. "I am in the room you know."

"Doesn't mean I can't talk about youlike you're not here."

"See?" She gestured aggressively at Daniel. "This is the kind of man you need: strong, able bodied, a looker..." she cupped Mitchell's chin in her hand. "...and has a SENSE. OF. HUMOR."

"I'm not homosexual!" snapped the archaeologist.

"Oh yes, and Goa'uld aren't snakes that burrow into your gut and take over your mind. I mean, look at you two: you could have something wonderful, and I'm sure the genes will be more than prosperous for your offspring. I just hope you know, Daniel, that when you're pregnant, I'm not rubbing your feet or feeding you choo-clot."

"'Chocolate'?"

"Whatever!"

"This is ridiculous..." muttered Daniel, stomping towards Vala and gripping her shoulders. "LISTEN, ok? **I. AM. NOT. HOMOSEXUAL.** I was married, I had a wife, she loved me, I loved her, there you go!"

"Then I guess I should work harder, darling. Problem solved," she grinned, quickly giving him a peck on the lips before withdrawing out the door. "Shall we all go see the General now? Come along, boys, I won't wait for you all day."

"Yeah, don't want to keep the Missus waiting, do we?" asked Cameron, and winked. "And hey, if you two break-up, I am not going to be your rebound guy."

"Oh shut up..."


End file.
